A Saintly Life

In 1982, I responded to an article in Catholic New York, the Archdiocesan newspaper – it was an article about a new apostolate called Courage. I knew at once that God’s timing was at work as this group was an answer to my personal prayers.

As a result of responding, I had the distinction of being the first woman to attend a Courage meeting. The men were very welcoming – they were excited to finally have a woman in the group and they treated me like a sister. Joining the group felt like a warm embrace; I was part of a fellowship, a community.  What a joy it was to finally meet other Catholics who had the same struggles as me and who were also, like me, striving to live a chaste life.

I was especially impressed by Father Harvey, the founding-director of the Courage apostolate and the Chaplain of that first group. He was kind and gentle with everyone he spoke with, even those who were sometimes cantankerous. He always listened and was very understanding.

One of the special things Father did was incorporate the sacrament of confession into individual spiritual direction. This was a wonderful blessing to those of us who met with him regularly for personal guidance. He had the right balance of truth and love, and he always remained true to the Faith.

The Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in Manhattan.
Wusel007, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Courage opened a central office in 1983, in the basement of the rectory at the Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in Manhattan, and I was hired to be Father Harvey’s assistant. I got to know him really well and saw first-hand how he operated. I remember Father was always respectful of Bishops and treated them with courtesy – even those who rejected the good work he was doing by refusing to officially allow a Courage chapter in their diocese. It was a form of suffering for him when Bishops rebuffed him, because he was trying to do something for the good of the Church - but he showed fortitude and perseverance at those times by focusing his efforts on those dioceses that wanted Courage.

Another impressive thing about Father was his boundless energy and commitment to the ministry to which he had been called. From the time Courage started, right through the time he “retired” in 2008, he travelled back and forth every week between Allentown, Pennsylvania -where he resided at De Sales University (then Allentown College) and had weekend ministry at St. Francis of Assisi parish - and New York City, where he directed the Courage office. In addition to this, he frequently taught courses in Moral Theology at various Catholic colleges and seminaries, assisted with the Chaplaincy of several Courage groups in the NYC area, wrote books and many articles, and he travelled all over the country and to various other countries to promote the Courage apostolate.

It’s been said by others, and I’ll say it too – Father was a true disciple of St. Francis de Sales. He always encouraged others to read Introduction to the Devout Life and, like St. Francis de Sales, Father encouraged people to be true to their state of life and to strive to become holy within it.

People talk a lot about “accompaniment” these days – Father really knew how to live out Christian accompaniment simply by showing compassion and assisting everyone who needed help as the occasion arose. For example, even before Courage was established, Father was helping priests and religious who were dealing with same-sex attractions by holding private spiritual retreats for them - retreats designed to help them develop and strengthen the virtue of chastity, with ongoing individual spiritual direction beyond the retreat, for a minimum of two years.

Father’s pastoral approach went far deeper than phrases like “zero tolerance”; he looked at each individual soul, whatever their state in life and whatever their past sins, and he tried to provide all the helps possible to help that person to strive for chastity, going forward. This doesn’t mean he disagreed with legal and canonical consequences for priests who fall into serious unchastity, especially with minors; rather it means that he was thinking even beyond that: how can I help this soul to live chastely now, and in the future? In Father’s eyes, each soul was unique which meant that each situation needed to be looked at individually, with appropriate helps and safeguards.

Fr. Harvey presenting along with psychologist Peter Rudegeair (left)

In his many travels, Father spent a lot of time teaching clergy and seminarians about the correct pastoral approach to homosexuality and chastity; his presentations incorporated moral theology, Catholic anthropology, and spirituality, and a psychologist would accompany him to speak on that aspect of the issue. In time, these teaching presentations sometimes came to include a Courage member who was willing to share his/her testimony at these gatherings.

I remember how patient and kind Father was with all the EnCourage parents who came to him over the years, to share their concerns about their son or daughter. He always listened and he always gave them hope. Father gave both Courage & EnCourage members a chance to vent.

He also took a lot of hits over the years, and he endured. There were times when people were pressuring him to make Courage take more of an “ex-gay” stance, but Father insisted that Courage’s purpose would always be chastity; at the same time if individual members wanted to privately pursue psychological help to possibly achieve some diminishing of same-sex attractions, he defended their freedom to try to do so, if that’s what they wished, while encouraging them to always make chastity their main focus.

Father always spoke up when it was necessary to do so – if only more priests were like him now. He managed to do this clearly and firmly, but also gently and respectfully. Sometimes he spoke up publicly when a Bishops’ committee issued statements with unclear or imprecise language as he was concerned about their words causing confusion among the faithful. Even at Courage conferences a speaker would occasionally need to be corrected, and Father would do this gently, right after the person’s presentation – it was never in a way that was rude or confrontational, and even the speaker would be grateful to learn from him and would perceive the kindness in his actions. Father was a great apologist.

Going back to the boundless energy I mentioned earlier, Father kept going at this pace, even after he “retired”, as he was always sought after and there were always people who wanted his guidance and wisdom. He kept up with ministry until he literally collapsed on the streets of Manhattan, while returning to his evening residence. After that, his order, out of loving concern, insisted on his moving to Annecy Hall for his own good and protection – where, of course, his ministry continued.  When he was finally called home to God in 2010, I believe he had perfect peace in knowing that he had been completely faithful to the mission to which the Lord had called him.

With humility, holiness, and an Irish twinkle in his eye, Father Harvey truly lived a saintly life.

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Vera Sabella was the first female member of Courage, joining the apostolate in 1982. Vera was also Father Harvey’s assistant at the Courage Office from 1983 to 1988, during which she completed her Master’s Degree in Pastoral Counselling. She has shared her testimony at the annual Courage conference, at Days of Recollection, and at prayer meetings. Vera also appeared in the first Courage documentary entitled “Portraits of Courage” and is quoted in early articles about the Church and homosexuality published by The New York Times and The Morning Call, among others. Since 1992, Vera has continued to faithfully serve the Courage apostolate by providing members with opportunities to grow deeper in their faith through the practice of reparational prayer, especially before the Blessed Sacrament. Learn more about Vera’s ministry at verasprayercorner.com. Click below to listen to one of Vera’s talks: